Yay! The greatest green app of all time!

This is the greatest application of all time.  It rests on a basic idea that you can have my attention, you can use my telephone line, but you will pay me for the privilege!

Making junk callers pay for their calls

1.  When you telephone me, your caller ID is matched with several ads and you are redirected in the first instance to your competition, whereupon you hear an ad, and I get 25p!

2.  If your caller ID matches anyone on my list, then the call comes straight through.

3. If your have a promotional code that you add to the end of my number, the call comes straight through.

All calls are tracked.  So I can find out quite easily who is giving my special number away.

The sister app works for email

1.  When your junk mail arrives, I press one button and a message is sent back to the server who work out the sender and send one email back to them for every email they sent out.  And I get 25p!  Someone who blasts out 1000 unwanted mails is going to get 1000 back!

2.  The email that is returned reflects their competition.  For example:  when emails arrive from a scammer in Bakino Faso, they are sent scrumptious ads of something in Bakino Faso (what is scrumptious in BF?). Or a message from Interpol!  When Virgin Media sends me an email full of pictures, we send back an email about the thing they are obviously short of – social media specialists!  And so on.  Anyway, the app does that.  I get 25 p.

The cousin app works for junk mail

The cousin app works similarly but takes more work from me.  Instead of sending my junk mail to landfill, I strip off my name for security and put it back in an envelope and return to to the sender – in their envelope.  They pay the postage.

The app makes it money by collecting the returned junk mail from the big senders and recycling it properly.  They work out the cost details with the junk pushers.

I told you life is getting better!