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Tag: savor

What is the smallest thing you can do to improve your life?

What is the smallest thing you can to do improve your life?” asked  engineer turned social media technologist cum psychologist, Benjamin Ellis, today on Twitter.

An impossible question!

We can never answer that question and this is why.

When “life is going well”, we don’t ask.

– Not because life is going well, but because we have no issue with getting on with life. The next step emerges, then the next, then the next.  We generate ideas as fast as we need them.

When “life is going badly”, we can’t answer.

–  Not because life is going badly, but because we can’t imagine the next step.  And because we can’t imagine the next step, we feel the way is lost.   And when the way is lost, we worry that life is lost.   And then we worry about improving our life.

“Life is going badly” means we can’t tell you spontaneously the small thing that we will be doing next!

The positive psychology answer

The positive psychology answer is to restore the feeling of well-being – not by another cup of coffee, though I am guilty of that.

And not by artificial crutches of well-being like positive chanting.

1 Actively savor

But by taking a small step “in the life in which we find ourselves”.  Poet David Whyte says that “sometimes truth depends upon a walk around the lake.”  Bringing forward one’s daily exercise and getting out into the fresh air and nature might restore our composure.

Rule of thumb: Bring forward a task that is important that we can do with enthusiasm and appreciation.

2 Meaningfully appreciate

Failing that, we simply need to pay attention to the task in front of us and do it mindfully.  Feel the keys beneath our fingers.  Feel the solid floor beneath our feet.

And if we do make some coffee, do it with care and appreciation.

Rule of thumb: Become engaged again with life through the things immediately to hand.

3 Ask for help

Mentors are important not just for their practical advice and or for the bolstering of our self-esteem.   Mentors are useful for the simple questions they ask.

A good mentor takes us out of the mental space of panic and helps us pinpoint what’s next.   They find it easy to ask the question that leads us to answer “What is the smallest thing we can do to improve our life?”  When they are skillful and not inclined to take over our burdens, they ask the small obvious question that leads to a small obvious answer.    @jackiecameron1 in Edinburgh, Scotland played that role for me yesterday quite publicly on Twitter.

She really does have the touch of the simple question that is so hard to ask.

Rule of thumb: Describe our conundrum to someone we trust.  They will often ask a simple question that might make us feel foolish but it will point us to what we crave – what to do next.

What do positive psychologists do?

So that’s what positive psychologists do.

They return us to the positive ecology of doing small things that matter quite spontaneously and help us stay there if we are there already.

Not knowing what to do is the bad life, and the bad life is not knowing what to do. One does not lead to the other.   They are the same thing.  The bad life and being out of actionable ideas are the same thing.

But the first step of getting out of the bad life is very hard to take – by definition.  If we knew, we would be doing it and we wouldn’t feel life is bad.

So that is what positive psychologists do.   We suggest you just carry on but acting the good life because the good life is the action you crave and action is the good life.

We won’t necessarily like the advice because at the minute we’ve persuaded ourselves that we are not in the good life.  But it is here.   It is present.  It is with us always.

Act out the good life right now in the life that you find yourself and you will forget the question of “What is the smallest thing we can do to improve our life?”

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Be a connoisseur and taste with caution

Camel by Angeloux via Flickr
Camel by Angeloux via Flickr

The Many Wines

Rumi

God has given us a dark wine so potent that,
drinking it, we leave the two worlds.

God has put into the form of hashish a power
to deliver the taster from self-consciousness.

God has made sleep so
that it erases every thought.

God made Majnun love Layla so much that
just her dog would cause confusion in him.

There are thousands of wines
that can take over our minds.

Don’t think all ecstacies
are the same!

Jesus was lost in his love for God.
His donkey was drunk with barley.

Drink from the presence of saints,
not from those other jars.

Every object, every being,
is a jar full of delight.

Be a conoisseur,
and taste with caution.

Any wine will get you high.
Judge like a king, and choose the purest,

the ones unadulterated with fear,
or some urgency about “what’s needed.”

Drink the wine that moves you
as a camel moves when it’s been untied,

and is just ambling about.

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Mr Kiasu

The Coxford Singlish Dictionary, a light-hearted lexicon of Singlish published in 2002.Image via Wikipedia

 

I learned a new word today: kiasu.

We are showing ‘kiasu‘ when we load up up our plate with food “just in case” the food gets finished. Over-competitiveness.

It is a Mandarin word, and Singaporean cartoonist, Johnny Lau, has a cartoon character, Mr Kiasu, who in Singlish, “everything also I want”, “everything also sure win”, “everything also I grab”.

Apparently, the closest English expression is ‘dog in the manger’. I cannot eat the hay, but I will not let you have it either!

Apart from the fun of learning a little about Singapore culture and humor, this reminded me of Steve Roesler‘s post on over-managing our children. I thought you might appreciate it.

I wonder what the opposite is? Certainly the word ‘savor’ comes to mind. It being the weekend, it is nice to think of judging the shopping so finely that we have a few really delectable meals . . . and a bare fridge by next Thursday.

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