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Category: POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY, WELLBEING & POETRY

One day you finally knew what you had to do: a poem by Mary Oliver

Pack Square Fountain 16 by anoldent via FlickrTime to move on but not packed yet?

Have you ever been at a turning point in your life when you know you will be moving on?  You are beginning to pack but not going yet?  When people around you assume that you will be there for ever and yet you know you will not?

What is the word or phrase for this time just before dawn?

Crossing the Rubicon

The psychology of ‘leaving the house’ is well known.  We call it crossing the Rubicon.  The psychologist most associated with this phenomenon is Peter Goldwitzer.

Crossing the Rubicon feels good but is also a dangerous time. We are so committed that we don’t listen.

Resolving but unresolved?

There is not a lot written about the less definitive time that comes before.  Indeed, psychologists seem to think that if we just behave like someone who has crossed the Rubicon, all the issues on our side of the river will be resolved.

But surely this state of being neither here nor there is worthy of its own respect?

As ever I turn to poetry.   Mary Oliver has a wonderful poem about someone who is just about to set out and is still very attached to the world they are in.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

Do you feel the “whole house begin to tremble” and the “old tug at your ankles”?

Are you about to step into the world “determined to save the only life you could save?

Mary Oliver is still alive and writing  If we want more, we should all go out and buy one of her books or send one to someone we love.  Here is the link to Mary Oliver at Amazon.

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Khalil Gibran and The Happiness Index

Don't Spill! by Ack Ook via FlickrUK’s Happiness Index

David Cameron’s Happiness Index has most people puzzled.

How can we measure happiness?  Surely, we aren’t put onto this earth to be happy, we protestants cry?  Surely, happiness means different things to different people?  Surely, happiness is like a shadow – seen but essentially ephemeral?

Begin the science of happiness with poetry

All the usual objections are valid and in a strange way illustrate what we mean by happiness.  Khalil Gibran explains in the The Prophet.

“Then a Woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered.

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not  the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

And is the lute that soothers your spirit the very wood that was hallowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall in the truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say , “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep in your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at a standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weight his gold and silver, needs must your joy or sorrow rise and fall.”

Khalil Gibran and The Happiness Index

Indeed, we can cannot measure happiness.  But, we can measure the fullness of our emotional involvement with the world.

Indeed governments do not create happiness.  But, they do influence conditions that enrich or narrow our lives.

And remember, rich men too have narrow lives.  How much can we enjoy life when we are daily separated by car windows and personal assistants who keep us away from the people sharing our streets and the mysteries of unmatched socks?

A happy country is a country where we weep when others weep and smile when others smile.

A happy country is a country where winners celebrate losers because without willing losers, there is no race to win.

In a happy country delight leads to compassion, surprise leads to curiosity and our days are balanced between strangers and intimates.

Measure the size of our cup carved from joy and sorrow.

The happiness index is possible, but first we need to look to poetry to understand what we are trying to put into numbers.

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How do you play the game in the ever-shifting sands of business?

R2P by smadden via Flickr

Want to tighten up your marketing?

@jobsworth listed the roles that we play in the every morphing networked organizations in the new economy.

And I’ve turned them into a little questionnaire.

Check out the list! Figure out your own role! And work out who plays the other roles in your industry.

Position yourself well and clearly?  Do let me know if you gained any insights!

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A more soulful way to manage?

Desert River of Flowers by wanderbored via FlickrDry sterile thunder without rain

Tired of the grind of persuading people to do what’s needed?  Dreading another day with a boss who seems to think you are their metaphorical punch-bag?  Studying management and finding it overcomplicated and unpersuasive?

Some of us manage.  Some of us teach management.  Some of us study management.  And we all seem to be cynical about what we do.

But, of this, I am certain.

We agree the management community spends too much time posturing.  Whether we are on the front line or back at the university, teaching & studying, we dread the nonsense of our days and long for hope and meaning as the parched ground sighs for rain after a long dry summer.

A place that we can call our own

I would like to this post to be a place where we talk about what we really believe and what brings pleasure to our work and our relationships with others.

How do we nurture our souls in the pinch of anxiety and tension of our working days?  What balances our world and brings peace and harmony with people around us?  Are there poems that calm our frayed nerves?  Are there stories we tell to young people who want to hear?  Are the questions we would ask a person older and wiser in quiet moment in the park?

Do you still have hopes and dreams beneath the landfill of management-speak?

Have  you recoiled from the call to shape the world in our image – and choose instead to work with people, rather than against them, even when they seem determined to work against us?

Do you see reflections of what we each think important to do now in our dreams of the future – and do you marvel in the varied beliefs we hold between us?

Do you quietly resist filling your day with mindless activity – and simply concentrate resources, so we can relax and live in the moment today, knowing we can take of tomorrow, whether it is opportunity or disaster that knocks?

Would you share how your nurture your soul at work?

Would you drop a comment and a link to your favourite poetry or photos or leave a story?

I would love to hear how you nourish soul in the soulless workplaces that claim our days.

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Leave the link to your website, or Linkedin profile, as well, and other readers can follow you  work.

Can we build a community around people who want bring their soul to managing and being managed?

I am looking forward to hearing what you think about the rain you bring to relieve “dry sterile thunder” at work

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My events sucked, until . . .

Events that suck


Have you ever sat down to write the advertising copy for an event and found it just didn’t come together easily? Or put together the perfect event – and no one was interested? Does events management feel too hit-and-miss for comfort’s sake?

Of course, the best way to learn to manage events is to seek an apprenticeship with a maestro of events and learn at their feet.  But, I’m a just a spare-time events manager, as most of us are these days, and as a business psychologist, I wondered what my profession has to say on the magic of events management.

I’ve searched the university libraries and apparently we have nothing to say.  Hmm!

So, that’s the position.  I can carry on lurching from church to school, or I can dig into my kit bag of basic tools and put together a model from first principles.

That’s what I have done.  I took the well-known solidly-researched Theory of Social Influence (Herbert C. Kelman) and applied the trio of {rules, roles, values} to events.

Here is what I came up with.  This post is long (1500 words), so let me give you the basic structure and you can pick what you need.

  • Event Management: The Short Form
  • How I sabotaged my own event by mixing up the archetypes
  • 3 surprising insights that come with thinking more clearly about events
  • Checklists and links to examples in the wild

Events Management:  The Short Form

In short, we have three event archetypes, and they don’t mix.

  • Celebrity-based
  • Action-based
  • Value-based

Kool & the Gang Concert @ Montreal Jazz Festival by Anirudh Kuol via Flickr

At celebrity-based events,we experience AWE

We attend the event.

We see the celebrity.

We take home the t-shirt.

And,

Not least,

We are remarkably passive.

Rock Climbing Mississippi Palisades (94) by akeg via Flickr

At action-based events, we experience AFFECTION

We are essential to the event.

We play in the team.

We take home the shared story of triumph and disaster.

And provided, no one asks too much of us,

We are amazingly loyal repeat-customers.

London Marathon 2009 by blitzy72 via Flickr

At value-based events, we experience ACKNOWLEDGMENT

We run our lives within the event.

We customize it to fit our tastes.

We take home a sense of having done good.

We have a sense of having been respected, and respecting the universe in turn.

But we cleave to our path and not the path of the organizers.

How I sabotaged my own event by mixing up event archetypes

Kelman’s model of {rules, rules & values} has helped me understand what I could have done differently to manage and advertise an event that flopped horribly.

I advertised a course in blogging for occupational psychologists (UK term for work and organizational psychologists) in our professional magazine.  Only one person called up – and he will probably read this post.

Why, I ask, was this event so poorly received?

Simply, I advertised a blogging-training course like a celebrity-event when I had a value-based mind-set.

Well, I was duly rewarded with a  muted response.

How would I focus my event on one event archetype and one archetype only?

Focus a celebrity-event on the celebrity!

  • First, if I wanted to offer a celebrity-centered event, I should have offered celebrities.
  • Second, I should have concentrated on the raz-ma-taz  – name tags, lunch and some good souvenirs.
  • Third, I should have let consumers consume.

Consumers want to enjoy not make an effort

The reception must be organized.  The seats must be comfortable.  No one must mind if their questions are off the point (but no one must be allowed to go on for too long and bore everyone else).  The dining room should be well appointed.  The participants pay good money and they want to know what they will get back.

The participants may be circulating like mad trying to meet new people but they don’t actually help run the event.  And, we should be clear about that.  Asking them to make an effort or take responsibility takes all the fun away!

Offering training (meaning the hard work of learning) is just not compatible with an event for consumers!

Either, I should have run the event with celebrities at the center and let them go home no more knowing how to blog than when they arrived, or, I needed to run an action-based event!

Focus an action-event on the team!

If I had wanted to promise training, I needed to improve my advertising and re-jig the event to match.  I didn’t do any of this so feel free to show me how to do it better!

  • Set a group goal and state how we will achieve it

“Bring occupational psychology to the attention of the corporate world with attractive blogs that readers return to again and again “

  • Assure participants that the training is organized

“Learn the basics with an expert on hand and graduate as a proficient blogger in one day”

  • Assure participants the group will be loyal to them

“Form a lasting network with experienced bloggers who are putting occupational psychology in front of the public”

  • Suggest ways forward

“Get an early start by registering with the event”

  • Tell participants what is needed

“Bring yourself, your ideas, your enthusiasm – we will provide the rest.”

Focus a value-event on the individual’s good judgment!

I also think that I may have blundered by designing my course as an action-based event while thinking in terms of  value – at least in terms of my own commitment.

The curious thing about value-based events is that the organizers stand back a bit and they rely on the good sense and judgment of the participants.  The good judgment of the participants is not a matter of chance, though.  We need to be close to our participants and not only understand the way they think, but share their values too.

If I were running a value-based event, then I needed to show my appreciation for their good judgement in my advertisement, provide facilities, and not take charge.   I am not sure at all that a value-based event works for people who have no experience in a domain but I may be wrong.  The dividing line is whether this event is about their judgment or mine.

If I had been running a value-based event, I would have said something like:

  • Talk to the situation and common values

“Join early-adopters who are bringing attractive and informative blogs to our clients”

  • Tell them what needs to be done

“Demonstrate to the profession the benefits of communicating with our public through the flexibility of blogs”

  • Tell them the resources

“Experience blogging with 30 other committed psychologists for a Saturday in a well-connected commuter room and specialist bloggers on hand to help with the mechanics”

  • Tell  them how to get there

“Click here for the venue, map, and sign up”

  • Keep in touch but stay independent

“Click to stay informed with the email newsletter”

  • Bring in their ideas

“Sign up here to add your ideas and shape our efforts in advance”

3 surprising insights that come with thinking more clearly about events

In truth, thinking clearly about events surprised me.

  • I hadn’t realized before that consumers like being consumers.

Often that’s what we want.  We want the magic of celebrity entertainment.  You do the work!  We’ll consume!

  • I hadn’t appreciated how much action-based events rely on the skilled delivery of levels.

Action-based events are games.  We love belonging, and in order to belong, the tasks have to be easy enough for us at the start and challenging enough for us as we level up.

  • I hadn’t been consciously aware that value-based events are curiously stand-offish.

After all, when we provide a luxury bathroom, we don’t tell people how to use it. They already know and may know better than us.  The core of a value-based event is our appreciation of our guests’ judgment.  We make the event possible with our facilities.

What do you think?

My event design has improved and I am sure will get even better as I apply some clear thinking to what I do.

Checklists & examples for good event design

Here are some check-lists and examples to get you on your way and for you to test out your thinking.  Do let me know what you think and the insights you glean.

Celebrity-events

Example of a celebrity-based event: SXSW Interactive 2011

Your checklist:

  • Who is the celebrity?  Why are they a celebrity to this group?
  • What is the takeaway?  Will it impress people back home or back at the office?
  • Are we letting consumers be consumers?  Are we expecting them to take responsibility – they want us to take the responsibility!

Action-events

Example of an action-based event: Baking for Greenpeace

Your checklist:

  • Who is the team-based event?  Are the levels well thought-out and can people slip in at the right level for them?
  • What is the takeaway?  Is there a group goal that is achievable and can they see their own contribution to the goal?
  • Are we helping our guests work together in an enjoyable team?  Are we taking responsibility for their learning curve without micro-managing?

Value-events

Example of a value-based event: Documentary Matchmaking at the Frontline Club [the link is now broken]

Your checklist:

  • What is the situation and what are the values that bring us here?  Is the situation immediate, is the action possible, and does it call on our values?
  • What is the takeaway?   What will people feel and remember after the event?
  • Are we giving our guests enough space to customize our facilities?  Are we celebrating their values or taking over?

Academic Background

And P.S. , if you’d like to follow up the psychology, look up Herbert C. Kelman’s Theory of Social Influence.

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The psychological significance of the poetry by William Carlos Williams

The Red Wheel Barrow

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.

William Carlos Williams

William Carlos William

I discovered William Carlos Williams poetry through his poem This is Just to Say, his magnificent poem about eating undeserved plums from the refrigerator.  We use This is Just to Say to illustrate savoring and mindfulness, two key ideas in the blossoming positive psychology.

Celebrating the world as it is through American rhythms of speech

I understand The Red Wheel Barrow is even more popular and represents William Carlos Williams’ belief that poetry should portray the essence and meaning of familiar life in simple language using the rhythms of American speech.  Someone has helpfully provided a chart to help us read the poem on Wikipedia.

Mindfulness and Happiness

“to draw his themes from what he called “the local.”

“try to see the world as it is”

Isn’t that what we call mindfulness today?

It’s interesting that he had worked out this philosophy before World War II.

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The Buried Life by Matthew Arnold: Positive Psychology

Piper by noah.manneschmidt via FlickrMatthew Arnold & The Buried Life

At Richard Holbrooke‘s funeral today, Barack Obama quoted part of his favorite poem: The Buried Life.

I read the poem and recognized immediately the philosophy of positive psychology.  I also recognized my own ignorance. I thought Mathew Arnold was a novelist – maybe he is that too.

But he was a poet and a poet talking to the changing sensibility in Victorian England in the mid 1800’s.   According to Wikipedia

Arnold’s philosophy is that true happiness comes from within, and that people should seek within themselves for good, while being resigned in acceptance of outward things and avoiding the pointless turmoil of the world. However, he argues that we should not live in the belief that we shall one day inherit eternal bliss.”

He did visit the US and he was knowledgeable about the work of Ralph Waldo Emerson, another philsopher providing roots for the positive school.  I have my homework cut out for me.

Here is the poem in full. I’ve highlighted the lines Obama read at Holbrook’s funeral in green.

The buried life

Light flows our war of mocking words, and yet,
Behold, with tears mine eyes are wet!
I feel a nameless sadness o’er me roll.
Yes, yes, we know that we can jest,
We know, we know that we can smile!
But there’s a something in this breast,
To which thy light words bring no rest,
And thy gay smiles no anodyne.
Give me thy hand, and hush awhile,
And turn those limpid eyes on mine,
And let me read there, love! thy inmost soul.

Alas! is even love too weak
To unlock the heart, and let it speak?
Are even lovers powerless to reveal
To one another what indeed they feel?
I knew the mass of men conceal’d
Their thoughts, for fear that if reveal’d
They would by other men be met
With blank indifference, or with blame reproved;
I knew they lived and moved
Trick’d in disguises, alien to the rest
Of men, and alien to themselves–and yet
The same heart beats in every human breast!

But we, my love!–doth a like spell benumb
Our hearts, our voices?–must we too be dumb?

Ah! well for us, if even we,
Even for a moment, can get free
Our heart, and have our lips unchain’d;
For that which seals them hath been deep-ordain’d!

Fate, which foresaw
How frivolous a baby man would be–
By what distractions he would be possess’d,
How he would pour himself in every strife,
And well-nigh change his own identity–
That it might keep from his capricious play
His genuine self, and force him to obey
Even in his own despite his being’s law,
Bade through the deep recesses of our breast
The unregarded river of our life
Pursue with indiscernible flow its way;
And that we should not see
The buried stream, and seem to be
Eddying at large in blind uncertainty,
Though driving on with it eternally.

But often, in the world’s most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us–to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.

And many a man in his own breast then delves,
But deep enough, alas! none ever mines.
And we have been on many thousand lines,
And we have shown, on each, spirit and power;
But hardly have we, for one little hour,
Been on our own line, have we been ourselves–
Hardly had skill to utter one of all
The nameless feelings that course through our breast,
But they course on for ever unexpress’d.
And long we try in vain to speak and act
Our hidden self, and what we say and do
Is eloquent, is well–but ’tis not true!
And then we will no more be rack’d
With inward striving, and demand
Of all the thousand nothings of the hour
Their stupefying power;
Ah yes, and they benumb us at our call!
Yet still, from time to time, vague and forlorn,
From the soul’s subterranean depth upborne
As from an infinitely distant land,
Come airs, and floating echoes, and convey
A melancholy into all our day.

Only–but this is rare–
When a beloved hand is laid in ours,
When, jaded with the rush and glare
Of the interminable hours,                                               80
Our eyes can in another’s eyes read clear,
When our world-deafen’d ear
Is by the tones of a loved voice caress’d–
A bolt is shot back somewhere in our breast,
And a lost pulse of feeling stirs again.
The eye sinks inward, and the heart lies plain,
And what we mean, we say, and what we would, we know.
A man becomes aware of his life’s flow,
And hears its winding murmur; and he sees
The meadows where it glides, the sun, the breeze.
And there arrives a lull in the hot race
Wherein he doth for ever chase
That flying and elusive shadow, rest.
An air of coolness plays upon his face,
And an unwonted calm pervades his breast.
And then he thinks he knows
The hills where his life rose,
And the sea where it goes.

Matthew Arnold

Who would have though positive psychology was buried in Victorian England?  Every day is an adventure.

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What to do about loafers in commercial open space teams?

I'm telling you guys - it's *that* way to Times Square. by Ed Yourdon via FlickrHave you used open space technology in a commercial setting?

I’ve been thinking about the emblematic situation of the network age.  We get together and we figure out what we are going to do, and, then we do it.

Anyone who has been to hacker’s day is familiar with the process.  And if you have been to many hackers’ days, you will wonder what the fuss is all about.

But let me tell you when it all falls down – when we have two questions:

  • What are we going to do together?
  • Who are we going to sell our output to?

As soon as there is money involved, people start ‘social loafing’ and maneouvre to get the most money for the least work.

Learning from Shakespeare: dealing with ‘social loafing in networked supply chains?

I haven’t tested this solution but some lines from Shakespeare might provide the answer:

“That which hath no stomach to fight

Let him depart; his passport shall be made,

And crowns for convoy put into his purse:

We would not die in that man’s company

That fears his fellowship to die with us.”

Henry V, Act 4, Scene 3

What do you think?  Is this crass “with us or against us” or the very principle of open space technology:

  • Whoever are here are the right people
  • Whatever we do was the only thing that could be done

Solutions to social loafing  commercial open space technology?

Is the simple solution to social loafing in networked businesses to

  • Refuse to talk sales until the hack is made

or

  • Define the sale and then ask who can contribute and what they can contribute?

Can we ask First Who, then What when we still have to define the work?  And which question is the better?

What do you think?

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Supply networks, co-creation, open technology made simple

Suppliers rule!

In the later days in Zimbabwe, I would walk into the Greek Bakery (hey, it was called that) and say, “What’s for breakfast?”.   Whatever they had, I ate – happily.  Samosa and salad.  That’s OK.  Coffee machine working?  OK, tea is fine.

Restaurant at Art Village not the Greek BakeryI developed an appreciation of the best deal on offer and the loyalty of traders who give me the best deal they can.

What can you do for me?

It was little different in New Zealand.  I taught a massive class of 800 students, and then some.  And they all worked.  Supermarket, department store, restaurant – the people serving me were students and quite likely my students.

That’s great, isn’t it, though the university had strict rules about accepting favors.

A hop-and-a-step in my thinking told me something else. They were students – smart, obliging, but totally unqualified for what they were doing. They were hired because they were cheap and because the managers thought raw enthusiasm was a sufficient substitute for sound training.

Well, how hard is it to say “Would you like fries with that?”

But it is hard to keep  raw enthusiasm done and I soon learned to wave away the menu and decline to “look around”.  I went back to my Zimbabwean ways.

Waste no time on over-specified supply chains

I wasted no time on the loss leaders and dramatic deals that might have caught my eye but were essentially scammy.

I wasted no time specifying solutions that the enterprise ‘should’ have delivered but wasn’t going to because the staff weren’t trained and would probably have no idea what I was talking about.

I simply asked what they could do for me.

Co-creation

And so my style of co-creation was formed and practiced.

  • This is what I need done and what I can pay for.
  • What solutions can you provide?

Supply networks working fabulously

I got good service.  Happy service.  The raw enthusiasm worked fabulously.  I got what was available and what staff could deliver and it was often better than I had looked for in the first place.

This is the essence of supply networks of the 21st century.  The customer is not king (or queen).   The customer contributes a need and a readiness to pay.

All the players in the supply network scratch their heads and say “ You know what?  We could .   .  . “

By staying in the range of what we can do, we do better.

  • First who, then what.
  • Whoever comes are the right people. What we decide is the only thing that we could have decided.
  • And when it is over, it is over.

Supply networks, co-creation, open technology – tiz all the same.

And it works in scarcity and abundance by being reasonable and collegial.

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Serene or frazzled?

Yellow and red orchids - Bai Orchid Farm by avlxyz via FlickrThe Aliens

Charles Bukowski

you may not believe it
but there are people
who go through life with
very little
friction or
distress.
they dress well, eat
well, sleep well.
they are contented with
their family
life.
they have moments of
grief
but all in all
they are undisturbed
and often feel
very good.
and when they die
it is an easy
death, usually in their
sleep.

you may not believe
it
but such people do
exist.

but I am not one of
them.
oh no, I am not one
of them,
I am not even near
to being
one of
them

but they are
there

and I am
here

I imagine its good to know whether you start from a place of serene calm or constant agitation.

Then the challenges are the same?

To be vital.  To live at our frontiers?  To have faith in our temperament?

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