Last updated on June 4, 2013
Carmen asked me what I “get out” of Spicy Networking and my answer is nothing. I don’t get anything. That is why the meetings are so enjoyable!
Robin, whose last name I didn’t catch, also asked me, and I asked him if he knew the concept of “chi”. Rooms have chi (or not). Well, events do too and so do people.
To use an example to explain. I don’t get anything out of putting a money tree in the wealth corner of my house. Putting a money tree in the right corner simply pays respect to what is respect-worthy, and creates the right environment for good things to happen. They may or may not.
The expression “make my own luck” is similar. I have to create the conditions to be lucky – but I can’t force luck. Luck doesn’t like to be forced.
Chi can’t be forced. Joy can’t be forced. But I can’t function without chi and joy in my life.
When I try to “get something” at an event, it won’t happen.
But it won’t happen either if I don’t make an effort. It’s the asymmetry that confuses people. People want a linear equation – if I do it, it will happen.
It works more like this. If I do certain things, something I value may happen. But if I don’t do certain things, it certainly won’t. I know people struggle with this lack of equation. But there it is. Life isn’t a straight line graph!
So let me ask the question the other way around.
What do I invest in a networking event?
#1: I am choosy.
Why go to a dull or badly organized event? And certainly why go back? I think people who tolerate rubbish events (and go back) have no respect for themselves. They are unlikely to be a good environment for me.
#2: I show up
90% of success is showing up, reasonably on time. We can’t benefit if we are not there.
#3: I introduce myself to people
We gain little by standing in the corner (next to the snack table or the bar) having the same conversation that we had with someone last time. First rule – don’t hold up the bar!
#4: I make time to listen
Particularly to people who haven’t learned the art of networking. It is hard to introduce ourselves concisely. Like everything it takes practice. Those of us better at it need to give people still learning some air-time.
#5: I try to learn
People can ask amazingly disconcerting questions. Last night, I often said I was from a small town. Everyone wanted to know more. I need to think seriously about what they want to know about my town. Questions simply tell us what is unclear to people. And we all are unclear to someone!
#6: I (sometimes) ask open-ended questions
It’s smart to end our elevator pitch with questions so the next person learns about us while talking about themselves. It’s much better than interrogating them or yawning as they stumble though some waffle.
#7: I rephrase what people do and tell them how they benefit me
It’s good for people to hear how their work has value. It struck me last night that a lot of people have got into the habit of concealing their contributions. I must think about this a bit more.
#8: I play “happy-families”
How many people can you talk to in an evening? 15? And if we introduce ourselves randomly, how many will share our interests? If I can speed up the time it takes to find someone with mutual interests by pointing out who has what in common with whom, very good.
#9: I connect after the event
I look up their website/blog and follow up using one of the channels they provided.
There is no point in sending an automated message that does not remind the person of our specific conversation. I am really arrogant if I think they will remember me among all the people they met.
And to send an automated message via a service they don’t use is just an irritant. I know I avoid anyone who does that to me.
#10: I am grateful and allow the possibilities to bloom
In a good evening, the ‘chi’ gets my creative mind going. I come away feeling that I want the day off to think through the ideas that seem to come out of nowhere. They came out of my head of course. They don’t come from anyone I met. It’s just that being in a good environment sets the process off.
I suppose that’s what I “get” – though I can’t “get” with any certainty because chi, luck, job, connection, belonging, creativity cannot be forced. They can only be encouraged.
Your turn. Review time!
Should I be striving to “get” something? 10 things I do are a lot – I don’t actually think about it when I do it. Writing it all down just makes a long list.
What do you do? What could I do differently?
I love your ten. If I go to a social gathering with the intent of making contacts I rarely have a good time and rarely make contacts.
If I go to a social event I no longer expect to “make contacts”… it is more about telling the Universe I’m out here. If I decide to just relax and focus on the people I meet I can have a good time. The contacts always come in unexpected ways (i.e. like you said it’s not linear.)
Yup, we got schooled to think in linear ways. We got muddled. We went from asking what is related linearly to trying to force everything into a linear model.
I can still see places where I can do a much better job of opening up conversations though and helping other people find their voice. That is pretty rewarding.
“…helping other people find their voice.” What a gift!